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3 of My Favorite Resources for Loving Relationship

As a psychotherapist, I find that the most common reason clients come to therapy is related to unhappiness in their relationship. Sometimes there are simple communication problems that can be changed in a few sessions, but more often there are deep-seated issues.  Our early experiences in life can create patterns of relating that last through to adulthood.


Attachment theory gives a solid explanation of how this happens and why. Changing behaviour and our ‘wiring of relatedness’ takes time and commitment. While we explore these patterns in therapy with my brave clients, I often search for additional resources that are easy to understand and offer practical solutions. I am very excited to find some gems and share them with you!
Stan Tatkin’s Relationship RX is one of the best self-help books out there. He explains attachment theory in a very approachable way, and offers practical exercises derived from interpersonal neurobiology, somatic practices and the Adult Attachment Interview – a widely accepted method of measuring attachment state of mind.  He combines a lot of the knowledge and research that I integrate in my practice, so I feel a real synergy
with the material. Stan is the narrator of the book, and he has a lovely voice and an energetic delivery. In addition, this audio-only book uses actors to play scenes that might happen in a relationship. These role-playing exercises are very specific, but by showing a ‘Not useful’ way and then a ‘Better’ way to play out the same scenario, show how the theories and ideas can be used in real-life situations. These demonstrations illustrate how different attachment styles relate differently and how a more secure way is possible. Stan has a beautiful understanding of intimate relationships, and offer inclusive insights to all. This is a great audiobook to listen to together with your partner or partners.


This is also a very good book by Dr Leslie Becker-Phelps. I listened to it as an audiobook and enjoyed the narrator. Full of great explanations about how it feels and how to recognise if anxious attachment might be the reason for some relational difficulties in your life.


I have done many training in Diane’s model that she has developed from Somatic Experiencing. She is a real attachment expert and this audiobook is a real gift. I go back to it often for my own self and also thinking of clients. It is full of practical skills and insights.
I hope you find some of this useful and can have some yummy connections with loved ones.
That is all most of us want and need 🙂
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Knowing oneself comes from attending with compassionate curiosity to what is happening within.- Gábor Mate

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